insecuritiesInsecurities are defined as a lack of self-confidence and affect everyone differently. Insecurities can play a huge role in relationships. How you feel about yourself and how your significant other feels about themselves, will determine how you both feel about one another. When insecurities are present, all types of challenges are lurking near. There are several kinds of insecurity, but there are three in particular that I want to spend a little time talking discussing.

Insecurity #1: Suspicion
Suspicion is the most obvious sign of insecurity. Have you ever been in a relationship and you’re always being accused of things you’re not doing? Irritating right? Well eventually, the false accusations can cause that relationship to fail. Seriously, who wants to be constantly accused, especially when the accusations are false? Suspicion alone is enough to negatively impact the way the accused party feels about themselves, how they feel about their mate; the accuser, and how they conduct themselves moving forward. Suspicion always stems from something. It doesn’t just pop out of thin air. The root cause could be a bad experience in a previous relationship, a bad experience in the current relationship, or even someone’s childhood. Either way, if suspicion exists in your relationship, the best thing to do is confront it head on to eliminate the overall issues before it festers and develops into an unworkable disaster.

Insecurity #2: Argumentative Projections
Another sign of insecurity is argumentative projections. Do you find when you and your significant try to have ordinary conversations, they turn into needless arguments?!? It is times like these when you can probably identify where the insecurity is stemming from. As a side note, just because you can hear and identify the signs of insecurity, does not mean that you will be able to point it out to your mate and they will agree. You may have to get creative in addressing the issue unless the two of you have the type of relationship found in the movies, which is slim to nonexistent. Partners can dismiss these types of projections easily if both parties listen to understand one another as opposed to engaging in behavior that will result in their partner shutting down altogether.

Insecurity #3: Inadequacy
First, they get suspicious; then they project them on you, and it’s all due to one’s personal feelings of inadequacy. They live a life where the concept of ‘not enough’ rests on them. In my experience, they always have to compare themselves to others. In doing so, they always come to the conclusion that everyone else is always better than they are. This misconception then causes a pressured handling towards you. resulting in arguments filled with accusations and suspicions. When someone has a personal feeling of inadequacy they become defensive, lose good decision-making ability, and may also even develop some small signs of jealousy. All of these signs are a recipe for relationship disaster.

I can really go on and on, but this is enough to digest for now. Perhaps I should offer a follow-up as a side dish. Here’s a little quiz you can take to see if your insecurities is pushing your partner away http://tinyurl.com/z74kbvw. Enjoy!

I’m signing off until next time.
Jennifer

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